irreversible

ライバル役が変わりました。

(more…)

if you’ve dropped by to read something cheery and heartwarming, sorry but im going to disappoint. discontent has always been a far more effective source of literary inspiration for me than happiness. but thats also because ive got a whole lot more of the former going for me than the latter.
i’ve been trying hard to replace that hard bitter cynic in me with something a bit… more positive less depressing. believe me i really am trying. hell, i make it my new year resolution every year to stay positive and tone down on that self-doubt. speaking of which. frightful yes, but 2009 is verily coming to an end in 12 days. so i guess, maybe not this year then. maybe… next year.


these days i find it almost impossible to extricate self from the covers.
tis the season, i tell myself. and the wonky radiator that churns out heat disproportionate to the electricity bill definitely isnt helping. but hey, i cant exactly see myself as the sort to bound excitedly out of bed, pull back the curtains, open the windows, and let the sun shine in! fa la la! anyhow im practising drinking a glass of red wine daily to keep the extremities from turning into popsicles. i hope that one day i’ll be able to actually swallow without wincing (like a true adult), and henceforth sweet oblivion, i shall embrace thee with open arms.


(more…)

to my dearest ones who i wont be seeing for at least a year

let not our farewell grieve thee
for we part only to meet again
though we may be worlds apart
our hearts are tied together :-)

thank you e for your pooh card! (was pretty stunned and touched to see it lying there on my bed while i was preparing to sleep!!)
thank you xw for listening to me rant about everything esp you-know-what
and thank you both of you for helping to collect my mail :-)
our last day together was FAB! if we ever get to meet in sg, we must do it again! let s and d know toooo :-D

thank you l for your message in my notebook! i dont know if you yourself rmr writing it during culture&cogn class but i totally forgot about it until i flipped to the page by chance. it was a stroke of serendipity, a flash of memory, a moment of loss, all at once.
oh gosh im getting teary.
i wish we could have had a proper farewell or that i could be there for your bday, but as it happens… darling, if you ever feel down or unsure or lose faith, i’ll always be there ok. to listen to you or whatever i can do to help. dont even bother about the time difference!

thank you m for the clarinet. wow i must say i was genuinely surprised!

thank you r for being so patient and helpful. i wouldnt have survived my immunizations if you didnt accompany me hah! :-P sorry we couldnt have met before we parted, but im still hoping to see you during term breaks!

thank you sj for everything- im bringing the seaweed with me! hope your ferry trip was comfy heehee looking forward to seeing you around :-)

thank you y for sending me our photos (did you paint the postcard?) enjoy ny for me ;-)

thank you zw for remembering me before you left too. very long since someone was willing to argue with me so enthusiastically hehe. so glad we could have that one last lunch together that we’d always talked abt :-P and of course how could i forget the desserts!!! you helped me find reason to miss japan man

and thank you everybody who i met during these 2 years and just cannot bear to part with me. trust me, the feeling is mutual :-)
in fact, one year will not be a very long time at all, but forgive me if i want it never to end. be happy for me! and wish me luck – i’ll definitely be in need of it.
and hopefully i’ll come back as a changed and more lovable person…

the next time i shall be updating will most probably be a very long time later in a very different environment. i have much to do much to see much to settle in and therefore, will neglect you readers intentionally.

not in mood for prolix prose.

current disposition: weary.

hates waking up early.
hates injections.
hates glaring sun in eyes.

loved and lost beloved scrunchy (r.i.p)

your absence has gone through me
like thread through a needle
everything i do is stitched with its color
-ws mervin

16 strenuous days more to liberty.
51 agonizing days more to flight.

near breakdown.

fear of disappointment.
fear of incomprehension.

insecurities.
inferiorities.
inabilities.

if all else fails, retreat is in place.

the world is complex
the future, unpredictable

anything might happen
anything can happen

anytime anywhere
whether you like it or not

you have to be prepared, chong.
be prepared…

a rare moment of idealism

so many desires

so little time

chong wants to be back in the arms of her piano

chong wants to learn sign language

chong wants to master singing in harmony

chong wants to watch live theatre at broadway

chong wants to know she will find a job that she enjoys

chong wants to be the CEO of her company

would i be able to accomplish everything before my expiry date?

So,
theres not much to say

but that

she is in preparation for a war that she must fight on her own.

but why? everyone asks her why she strains herself just to reach the top?

why???

no, she cannot explain why she has to compromise for something lesser when she can achieve something else far more

there can be no room for compassion and sympathy in the heat of battle

she cannot afford to lose this time.