irreversible

#474 homemade guacamole

yesssir avocado has made it to my i-even-lick-the-bowl-clean list! on a side note, i nearly chopped my finger off trying to get the pit out >.<

in an effort to contribute to energy conservation
the university urges students to take the stairs instead of the lift – which has then led to the prevalence of signs around campus that say:

at first glance it makes perfect sense doesnt it?

until today my prof pointed out that he had been appalled at first because he thought he had to run up and down the stairs as many times as possible!

the point of this entry is actually not about comical English usage in Japan, but the fact that after nearly 2 years of walking past that sign, i had been completely unaware of that glaring mistake, and would have been still.

with constant exposure to mutilated English in Japan and laughing over it so many times like it was no big deal, I might have possibly reached the saturation point where familiarity engenders blasé indifference. and thus verifying my prior suspicion that Japan has indeed taken a toll on my standard of English…

WARNING: this entry is not for normal people. Only read it if you think you do not have enough misery in your life.

recently i have been witnessing the rampant use of vicious verbal abuse and emotional blackmail by a bunch of renegades intent on sowing dissension and resentment amongst supporters of a common cause (of which they were once part of, naturally)
it suddenly came across to me that hiding behind the perceived safe facade of internet anonymity (or pseudonymity), people really stoop to certain very reprehensible actions for their own sick pleasures
self-assured as i might sound, i can never imagine myself to be in the same position as them in order to comprehend their motives, so i can only seek to surmise what their warped minds think…
it all boils down to another paradigm of an intolerance of deviation in this society – a need to express their prejudiced dislike for people who simply have contrasting interests from them. not face to face, but a stab in the back when the victim isnt looking.
very honourable fellows.

and even more shockingly, the prevalence of flagrant sexual harassment in this country…
i used to hear much about it but had merely brushed it aside (apparently once too often for my own good, i realise now).
only one single encounter, and it made me feel so ill. even though i do feel more pissed off now with the fact that i had let myself be affected by it in the first place.
maybe because this was not just the usual silly off-colour jokes that leave you aghast at the lack of intellectual maturity, but shamelessly blatant quid pro quo – taking advantage of a person’s privations in exchange for fulfilling one’s own perverted voyeuristic fantasies…

still chills me right to the core whenever i remember that im living on the same planet with such animals.

so, what else is new?

strange but i cant help feeling disgusted and intrigued at the same time (what they call morbid fascination perhaps)
exactly what kind of psyche does one possess to make him/her yearn to inflict pain and suffering on another?
to verify his/her existence?
to flaunt authority and power?
or just for the sadistic thrill?

fellow Earthlings,
we are all at the mercy of nature
and sad to say, but only in the face of adversity and horror do we become noble and heroic (quote unquote Gabriel from Constantine)

and with the exception of those times
it would be difficult to overlook the seemingly permanent presence of conflict and enmity amongst the living

we dont realise how lucky it is to have a life

…precisely because we are living

warped as it sounds
ive always thought that people who aspire to change the world are either total egomaniacs or overly idealistic.

how do we save ourselves from ourselves?
how can we?

unless you are proposing to change YOUR own world,
in order to “make the world a better place”, you must certainly expect a lot from the universe in general, ie. expecting it to revolve around you and your revolutionary ideals

well take it from me
japan is definitely the wrong country to be in if you are trying to change the world, or even learning to trust people, (men in particular).

have you ever been discriminated against before?

may it be your nationality, your accent, your race, your skin colour, your age, or your gender
just about anything that the other party might find repulsive only because it is unlike him/herself

well, i had the very fortune today to be blessed with such an experience.

it wasnt pleasant at all, indeed.
but im glad it reaffirmed my decision to deny the existence of an inherent goodness in Mankind.

it is instinctive for me to question immediately
upon hearing something i dont understand

“why does society forbid relationships between teachers and students?”

“it just is, right?”
“why do you ask?”
“dont think so deep into everything.”

i fear.

if i were to become increasingly apathetic,
conforming to social norms thoughtlessly

why are you asking this question?
this is the standard that society has enforced
you should not be suspicious of it

WHY?
WHY cant I question?
i have the right to dont i.

or am i too ignorant to not know that we are actually living under totalitarianism?

shut up
dont think
dont doubt
dont question
just accept
just be controlled

to put it plainly
we are afraid of being stigmatized if we fail to conform

subservience is officially the “In” thing this century.

welcome to the club
home to beings with no individual thought
houses with noone to answer the door
empty floating shells with no mind and no soul

and because noone could give me anything substantial
i sought a professional opinion.

Why are teacher and student relationships forbidden?
A relationship where the teacher has a moral ascendancy over the student is illegal and immoral because it creates a conflict of interest. Not only does it cloud the judgment of the teacher in being fair and impartial, other students would just be pissed at the student for getting an A for just sleeping with the teacher.

Similarly, why are doctor and patient relationships forbidden?
Due to an inherent power inequality in the doctor-patient relationship, a patient may feel that they cannot afford to reject a doctor’s invitation because it might upset him/her and make the medical relationship strained. Doctors have extremely personal information at their disposal, for eg patient records, exam results etc, and could be used against the patient for hurtful purposes should they refuse to comply with the doctor’s wishes. The potential for abuse in this relationship is too strong.

in short
we should just be thankful for these rules made to prevent the abuse of power from occurring in relationships

okay
i have come here to show off

finally emerged from a pile of proofreading
10 japanese reports
each 6-9 pages long

WOW chong! *applause*

i realise i enjoyed it!
as in i enjoy reading and editing and correcting

k says because im critical by nature
i should use it to my advantage
and consider it as another career choice….

well anyway what this entry is really about…

as many around me have already known
(and have been interrogated lol)
i have been focusing on a semester long assignment
about working mothers full-time housewives and feminism as a whole

so, the actual theme we were supposed to write about was basically “My Future”

dont laugh too early and wave it away as an elementary school composition

sit down and think about it.

and i mean seriously think.

how do you imagine yourselves 10 years later?

oh thats too far away i dont want to decide now because my thinking will change then

okay fine.

what do you want to do after you graduate?

easy as it sounds
you’ll be surprised to find out
how many people cant answer that question.

some people havent even THOUGHT about it!

oh it’s not that i dont know what i want to do!
i tried to think about it… but it’s too complicated… c’mon theres still a lot of time! we are still so young! we dont have to think these things now!

EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES

we are such stuff
as dreams are made on, and our little life
is rounded with a sleep…

so as prospero (the tempest) tells us..

our lives are short but we can think up big and important ideas in that short time

but so WHAT?

people are so full of dreams and goals and ambitions
but not everyone can make them come true
oh i beg your pardon
not everyone DARES to step forward and achieve them

oh i cant do it
oh its too difficult
i want to do it but…..(launches into a lengthy explanation about how money is necessary parents wont be happy society wont accept it)

EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES

for how long can you continue postponing and escaping……

really,
too much of ourselves are tied down by reality
and poor Reality must be bleeding inside to be made the scapegoat all the time

but
is the reality we know a reality imposed to us by nature?

is reality,
the meaning of life,
not in fact a creation of men?

we decide who we are

we decide what we are capable of

our limitations are self imposed.

and nowadays

reality
has become something we conjure up as an excuse to justify the act of procrastination

by the way
if you are considering to continue with graduate studies
because work is too tough and studying is an easier way out
or if you are considering to graduate and get married immediately so you can rely on your husband/wife
because working is too tiring for your fragile little body and you just want to slack and do nothing forever

do not
i repeat, DO NOT ever talk to me

sometimes i thank msn for being not able to convey facial expressions and body language
so i can type “great ambition”
while preventing myself from smashing the computer screen
and still be able to sound like a nice understanding person