irreversible

ライバル役が変わりました。

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i wish all those eternal optimists and blind optimists would just leave everyone else alone. cheer up! look on the bright side! Blah-blah-blah, life is too short, blah-blah… please just stfu with your self-righteous optimism evangelism shit because this is how i view the world this is how i deal with events in MY life and since ive come so far and accomplished so much on my own i think im doing a fairly good job of running my life without your interference. if you dont like my way of thinking, you know what? you can just fcking LIVE. WITH. IT.

I became a student of my own depressed existence, trying to unthread its causes. What was the root of all this despair? Was it psychological (Mom and Dad’s fault)? Was it just temporal, a “bad time” in my life? (When the divorce ends, will the depression end with it?) Was it genetic? (Melancholy, called by many names, has run through my family for generations, along with its sad bride, Alcoholism.) Was it cultural? (Is this just the fallout of a post-feminist American career girl trying to find balance in an increasingly stressful and alienating urban world?) Was it astrological? (Am I so sad because I’m a thin-skinned Cancer whose major signs are all ruled by unstable Gemini?) Was it artistic? (Don’t creative people always suffer from depression because we’re so supersensitive and special?) Was it evolutionary? (Do I carry in me the residual panic that comes after millenia of my species’ attempting to survive a brutal world?) Was it karmic? (Are all these spasms of grief just the consequences of bad behaviour in previous lifetimes, the last obstacles before liberation?) Was it hormonal? Dietary? Philosophical? Seasonal? Environmental? Was I tapping into a universal yearning for God? Did I have a chemical imbalance? Or did I just need to get laid?

— Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

this was exactly me, aged 17.
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から自分の国のコトを聞くとなぜかキュンと来ちゃう。

#473 fried nian gao

or steamed nian gao with freshly grated coconut will do as well….